Cross road

I stop to cross

I see nothing
but the road shimmers from its history of hot tires and speeding

hesitating, looking once, twice, again
expecting to be surprised by hurtling metal…

but no. What I have not seen is not there
and my fear is illusion, persistant illusion

O God
I enter the room and find her lifeless
replayed remembered reprayed

I expect more pain
from the future
Still shielding heart and mind
with helpless pale hands from the past

nothing is trustworthy. Standing while falling, and no net.

illusion, persistant illusion

God’s grace
comes unseen
pervades unnoticed
Birdsong. A breeze whiffles the grass in the ditch.

I look back again
I look forward
I pause, releasing again, again, again
and looking both ways, I cross the road